Our homes are meant to be places of sanctuary – our safe spaces to escape the stressors of everyday life and where the whole family can enjoy time to themselves. While this is an idealized image and often not the full reality, it’s not entirely off-base. Despite their imperfections, family and home remain vital in today’s world. But what happens when things at home aren’t so great? Maybe everyone’s on edge, waiting for a reason to argue. Or perhaps meaningful conversations are few and far between. In both cases, it’s clear that what’s needed is some genuine connection – an opportunity to open up and communicate with the people who share your home. With that in mind, we’re here to introduce you to simple ways to talk about feelings at home. Keep reading to discover how your home can regain its sense of sanctuary.
WHY IS OPENING UP ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS SO IMPORTANT?
For centuries, people have known the consequences of bottling things up (needless to say, the consequences were and are bad). Simply imagine the confessional box, where secrets are whispered, or think of the psychiatrist’s couch, where thoughts and feelings are laid bare like emotional laundry. It’s no accident that these outlets exist and are normalized; humans need to offload the mental weight or risk becoming emotional pressure cookers, ready to blow at the slightest nudge.
Keeping emotions bottled up creates mental turmoil that can also manifest physically, leading to increased stress and tension. It’s comparable to storing unresolved feelings in a mental “junk drawer.” You might cope for a while, but eventually, the strain becomes too much, and the emotional burden overwhelms you. In this sense, opening up is no luxury or indulgence – it’s essential maintenance for your emotional, mental, and bodily well-being. Here’s some research to back up these claims, even though we sense their truthfulness intuitively.
THE VALUE OF EMOTIONAL OPENNESS IN FAMILIES (A RESEARCH STUDY)
This 2007 study published in APA’s American Journal of Orthopsychiatry has shown how emotional openness is key to family recovery after traumatic events.
Researchers have followed 48 mothers and their 11-year-old children after the 9/11 attacks and measured how openly they expressed emotions.
The findings suggested that emotional openness (especially in mothers) is a stable trait that can be reliably measured: mothers who were more open emotionally had healthier emotional relationships with their spouses, and their children were more likely to express their feelings about the trauma. In short, when parents are emotionally open, it results in healthier emotional communication within the family.
SIMPLE WAYS TO TALK ABOUT FEELINGS AT HOME
Now that we’ve highlighted the importance of emotional openness within the family unit let’s explore some simple ways to start talking about feelings at home.
FIRST OF ALL, DO SOME RESEARCH
You should know that it’s very important to understand when the right time for a conversation is – not just when it’s convenient, but when it’s truly necessary. Research can help with this. Look into why teens decide to start therapy or why kids, in general, might feel the need to share their feelings with their loved ones. Knowing the common triggers or situations that lead them to open up can guide you in knowing when and how to ask the right questions. This kind of preparation can make all the difference in creating meaningful dialogue and building a safe space inside your home for them to express their true emotions.
KEEP IT SIMPLE
Speaking of simple ways to talk about feelings at home, here’s how to make it simple: keep it low-key and natural. When you notice your kids’ mood shifting (once you’ve figured out what causes these changes), use that moment to check in. You don’t have to sit them down for a serious chat – just set a regular time, like during family meals, to casually ask how they’re feeling.
IN NEED OF A FUN IDEA?
At the end of the day, ask them to share their “roses and thorns” or “highs and lows” – one thing that made them happy and one that bummed them out. Then, you can venture into how those moments made them feel together. Celebrate the wins and acknowledge that there’s always something to appreciate, even on the toughest days.
ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOUR CHILDREN HAVE FEELINGS
Even though it sounds a bit dull to say you should “acknowledge” that your kids are emotional beings, it’s one of the most powerful things you can do. Sure, when they tell you things aren’t going so swell, your first instinct is to swoop in and save the day. But, instead of jumping in with a quick solution like your go-to parent, why not help them recognize what they’re feeling? You can try something along these lines: “Looks like you’re frustrated that the train isn’t going through the tunnel. Does that sound right?”. Once they nod in agreement, congrats, you’ve just opened the door to a whole emotional conversation! Empower them to express their frustration and work through it; your reply might be: “Yeah, that is frustrating! What do you think we could try next?”.
BE KIND AND COMPASSIONATE (AS IF ANYONE NEEDS TO TELL YOU THIS)
Trust us, the last thing your kids need is the good old and dull: “I told you so.”. Sure, maybe because you’re an adult – you did see it coming, but throwing it in their face just won’t help. Also, avoid comments like “You got what you deserved” or “What did you expect?” since they’re probably already feeling vulnerable, embarrassed, or even ashamed. So instead of going there, show some kindness and compassion. Try saying something like, “You didn’t want that to happen, did you?” or “That makes sense.” This tells them, loud and clear, that you’re a safe space – even when they’ve messed up. And when they start to open up? Don’t shut them down.
These were some of the simplest ways to talk about feelings at home. By practicing the advice we shared above, you’ll be on the right path to making your home a sanctuary once again. The key is to stay open and compassionate, and your kids will appreciate it both in the short term and over the long run – well, you’ll see.
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